


Give and Take

by seraphichan



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, I Made Myself Cry, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Unrequited Love, Why Did I Write This?, but only if you haven't read past chapter 34, fluff if you squint (really really hard)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-05
Updated: 2016-05-05
Packaged: 2018-06-06 14:44:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6758290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seraphichan/pseuds/seraphichan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“When did you start liking him?”</p><p>“I don’t know.”</p><p>And he doesn’t. He tries to think about when something changed, something significant, but nothing comes to mind. He can’t tell when he started looking at Mike as more than the jackass that pushed his face into a dirty puddle in the underground, can’t tell when Mike became so important to him. It was such a gradual thing that Levi didn’t realize he even felt that way himself until he was kissing Mike in the hallway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Give and Take

**Author's Note:**

> Putting it here, too, just in case anyone missed it in the tags:
> 
> MANGA SPOILERS!
> 
> But only if you haven't read past Ch34 (or conversely if you've only watched the anime)

His lips are warm and strong, slightly chapped, but much fuller than they look.

Levi is still marveling at this when his more sensible thoughts catch up to him. Like the fact that they are in the middle of a hallway in headquarters where anyone could walk by at any given moment.

And that Mike is not kissing him back.

Dread seeps into his bones, and Levi pulls away, stands flat-footed on the ground where before he was leaning up on the tips of his toes. He also releases the chest strap of Mike’s gear that he used to drag him down, allowing Mike to stand up straight again. After a few moments, where Levi’s eyes flit restlessly over the floor, he looks up and tries to gauge Mike’s reaction, but his face is impassive, impressively so.

He wishes Mike would say something. _Anything_. Levi realizes, though, that his silence says it all. He messed up, misinterpreted something somewhere along the way.

Levi takes a step back, cheeks burning with embarrassment. He opens his mouth to speak, but his voice breaks. He clears his throat and tries again, but the words still stick. Or maybe he just doesn’t know what to say to begin with.

His eyes find the floor again and he turns sharply, walks as quickly down the hall as he can without breaking into an actual run. He makes it to his room in record time, slamming the door behind him, and starts pacing, unable to stay still. He’s shaking, so upset with himself that he wants to scream.

Instead he grabs the broom he keeps by the door, and begins sweeping.

~~~

He’s calmer when he goes down to the mess for dinner, but just barely. He sits at the officers table straight across from Mike, as usual. Levi doesn’t look at him, though. He can’t bring himself to do it. He keeps his eyes on his plate, concentrates on stabbing viciously at his potatoes. They are cold and undercooked, and he isn’t hungry, but he eats them anyway.

“What’s got your knickers in a knot?” Hange asks from a few seats down.

Levi scowls at them. “I’m fine.”

“I call bullshit,” they say, loaded fork jabbing at him in the air. The movement causes the bite of food there to drop off onto the table.

Levi sneers as Hange scoops it back up and deposits it into their mouth, chewing noisily.

“Come on,” they say once they’ve swallowed, “something’s up. Mike, doesn’t it look like he’s extra uptight today?”

Levi stiffens and looks back at his plate.

“No. Same as alway,” Mike says.

Levi glances up in time to see him shrug indifferently before going back to his meal. He doesn’t seem upset or offended. In fact, it looks like Mike is going to treat what happened in the hall earlier as if it never happened at all.

This makes Levi wonder. Maybe he overreacted. Maybe that kind of thing happens to Mike all the time. He _is_ handsome, even with that stupid mustache. He is strong and skilled and smart, nice to the recruits, and tall as a goddamn tree.

“Hm...if you say so,” Hange says, and Levi can tell they are not convinced.

~~~

Levi has just finished with his nightly routine - a series of pushups and situps that fatigue his body enough to afford him the few hours of sleeps he needs before he’s awake and energized again - when Hange bursts through his door.

“Did you and Mike have a fight?” they ask, getting right to the point.

Levi sighs and Hange gasps.

“I knew it!”

“We didn’t fight, four eyes.”

“Then what was _that_?” they ask, gesturing in the air vaguely to indicate earlier in the mess hall.

“It was nothing,” Levi grunts, intent on ignoring Hange until they get the hint to leave.

But Hange isn’t the type to take hints they don’t want to, so they stand there and wait.

“I...sort of kissed him,” Levi mumbles, barely loud enough to be heard.

Hange does, though, making a series of inarticulate noises in their excitement. “I always thought you guys had chemistry!”

“I kissed him.”

“Yes, you said,” Hange answers as they continue fawning over the new information.

“He didn’t kiss me back.”

This gives Hange pause. “Maybe he was just being shy?”

“Doubt it,” Levi sighs. He sits heavily on his bed, digs the heels of his hands into his eyes until he sees spots behind his eyelids. “I fucked up.”

“Oh, Levi,” they say softly, sitting next to him on his bed. They are silent for a while, and Levi knows they are mulling over what they want to say next. “When did you start liking him?”

“I don’t know.”

And he doesn’t. He tries to think about when something changed, something significant, but nothing comes to mind. He can’t tell when he started looking at Mike as more than the jackass that pushed his face into a dirty puddle in the underground, can’t tell when Mike became so important to him. It was such a gradual thing that Levi didn’t realize he even felt that way himself until he was kissing Mike in the hallway.

“Everything’ll work out, you’ll see.” Hange pats his leg. “Even if he doesn’t return those feelings...friends are good, too, right?” they ask as they lean against him.

“Friends are good, too,” Levi agrees, leaning back.

~~~

Levi does not get drunk. He does not go out drinking often, so most members of the corps don’t know this.

But Mike does.

Mike does and, for whatever reason, agrees to carry Levi back to headquarters anyway, despite knowing Levi is more than capable of doing it himself. He even goes so far as to keep carrying him after the rest of the group has dispersed to their own quarters, takes him all the way up to his room.

“Chivalrous bastard,” Levi says, cheeks slightly pink.

“Here you are.” He drops Levi unceremoniously on the bed.

Levi bounces once before springing up to a sitting position and grabbing Mike’s arm to stop him from leaving.

“Wait-”

“Levi, you can’t keep doing this,” Mike sighs and gives him a look, one that says he’s running out of patience.

Levi swallows thickly.

This isn’t the first time he has faked being drunk. It isn’t the first time he’s done something to make sure he can be near Mike, to have his undivided attention. Levi knows he’s been pushing his luck, taking advantage of Mike’s kindness. Levi knows he needs to stop. He knows he is only hurting himself, hurting what they already do have.

Hange’s voice echoes in his head. _Friend are good, too, right?_

“Yes. I know,” Levi says to Mike. To himself. “I know. I’m sorry.”

He loosens his grip on Mike, but doesn’t let go completely. He is taking what he can, one last time. Mike allows it for a few moments before gently pulling his arm away.

“Rest up. You have new recruits to whip into shape tomorrow.”

“And let me guess...you’ll be there to patch them up?”

“Course. Someone has to be the good guy.”

Mike smiles and Levi is glad that this is one thing that Mike will continue to give him.

~~~

It takes some time before the longing turns into a dull throb, which turns into an aching fondness that Levi knows will always stay him, but it’s not so bad.

Even without Levi having to try, they end up spending most of their time together, whether it is grappling through trees to take down a pack of titans or sitting in the mess hall, Levi telling Mike he’ll die from all the sugar he puts in his tea well before any titan gets him and Mike answering with a comment about how Levi missed a spot somewhere during one of his cleaning escapades.

Sometimes they stay up late, sitting with Erwin in his office, pouring over mounds of paperwork that never seem to get smaller.

Other times Levi sits on the roof, staring at the stars, feet dangling off the parapet, and Mike will sit with him. It is a comfortable quiet, one that Levi looks forward to at the end of a long day. It is a kind of companionship, a kind of love, that he has come to appreciate and would never give up.

Eventually, things get busy. There are titan-shifting teenagers to worry about and shitty wall priests to babysit. So much happens all at once that it isn’t until after they’ve rescued Eren, when Erwin is still unconscious after losing his arm and the aftermath of titans appearing inside an unbreached wall is still being cleaned up, that Levi notices the distinct lack of a certain someone.

“Hange,” he calls from across the courtyard of headquarters. The soldiers Hange is talking to salute and head inside. They salute Levi as well, but he ignores them, takes quick strides over to where Hange is still standing.

Levi does not like it, that look on their face, the tightness gripping his chest, but he wills himself to do it. To ask despite the slight quiver in his voice:

“Where is Mike?”


End file.
